M•O•M~ 5 Tips for you to be Happy

K•i•d•s ~P•a•r•e•n•t•s~Teachers

 

and anyone else who reads this:

(I'm not a trained mental health professional.  This is my personal take on a very serious issue that concerns us all as parents and therefore I share my opinion as a parent).

 

As parents we all wear many hats. It is difficult to describe everything that we need to do for our kids so that they grow up to be responsible, independent, kind, honest, humans. 

 

I’ve just heard news of a young, beautiful, smart, 12 year old boy, who lost his life to bullying. I refuse to say it was due to suicide because that’s not the reason why he couldn’t live any longer.

 

 

He couldn’t continue living, because someone at school decided it would be “fun”, “cool”, "entertaining", or whatever else he thought, to pick on his classmate, abuse him physically and verbally, and make his life unlivable enough that, he preferred to stop feeling that way, than to keep enduring the abuse.

 

With my oldest, I always stressed to him that he should never bully anyone, but, in my mind I never thought, that he could be bullied, and he was. It was a bad time in school for us, and something that I found out about months after he had endured daily abuse & isolation. Not because we didn’t talk daily.  He was trying to handle it on his own.

  

With E last week, in casual conversation with his friend after school, my friend and I realized what they were discussing.  He was slapped in the face 3 times. He tried to tell the child that he couldn’t slap kids, and he did it anyway.  We stayed calm and let him finish telling us what happened.  I communicated with his teacher and it has been addressed.

 

While these things are common, and usually don’t escalate, it frightens me that maybe it will continue, or that it will happen again and I  won’t find out in time one day. That’s just my anxious self. He has always thought he is bigger, older, and able to do on his own. I guess that comes with being the youngest of the boys in his group of friends.

 

Parents and everyone around children, stop telling your kids things like “ snitches get stitches”, “you’re a snitch”, or, “if you come and tell me you’re being a tattletale”. Think of the effect that saying these things can have in a child who doesn’t fully understand what you may be trying to convey to them. It can discourage them from speaking up or standing up to a bully in a very real school scenario.

 

The biggest problem here, is that , almost always you don’t know your child is bullying others, or that he is being bullied. The child doesn’t want the problem to become bigger by involving you. So, think of your reaction when they tell you things about school.  If you blow up, will they come tell you someone is hurting them?  Will they think that speaking up will only make it worse?

 

Additionally parents, bullying isn’t only physical harm these days.  Cyber bullying, and verbal abuse is bullying. Don’t make fun of people in general. Your kids are listening, and will imitate this behavior. They can be hurting others innocently thinking their behavior or words are harmless because they aren't being physical.  They're not.   Words can be like stabbing knives. Most of us would take physical punishment over listening to a long boring speech from someone.  So, listen to your kids when they talk about others, listen when they tell you how others describe them. Listen, listen, listen, and don’t panic! Stay calm and walk away if you need to to gather your thoughts and communicate the matter to the school no matter how insignificant it may be. 

 

If your child shows aggressive behaviors and has a hard time controlling their rage, please don’t wait, get help.  Get them the help they need in order to express their feelings without acting on their rage. Do not ignore this and think they will outgrow it. It will just become a bigger issue to tackle later. Don't ignore the behavior either. they are trying to tell you something is off and they don't know how to communicate that.  

 

Teachers, I’m with you 99% of the time. But also think, do I promote an inviting classroom environment where my students feel comfortable sharing their thought or feelings? If you are discouraging the student or downplaying the situation because they’re not physically hurt, could you be fostering an environment where your student will say, “ she won’t do anything about it”?  You can be that safe space the child needs to speak up. On both sides! A child who bullies another needs as much help as a bullied one. They are both hurting and need love and help.  

 

These are difficult thoughts, and teachers, parents, and, all involved must come to terms with the idea that it hasn't gotten better, it hasn’t improved.   Although we have signs encouraging kindness in the classrooms, trainings , and we all chant “ say no to bullying” , are we really doing enough? Kids are fighting at school. They're telling others they're ugly and should just give up. Kids who are hurt and unhappy, and who need discipline, are hurting other kids. This is not okay.

 

Explain to your children how to react, what to do, how to communicate when they don’t feel comfortable with something that is happening at school. Don't dismiss what they tell you. Don't tell them to be tough, to hit back, or say things like "I better not find out that..." You need to find out and you need to be there for them.  Causing a scene at school won't help anyone. 

I'm saddened that a beautiful child has died because of bullying. I can only think of his family and pray that they feel God's love and power to get thru life without their child. 

You are not alone, please call the suicide prevention help line  at 1-800-273-8255. If you're in Miami please report bullying at Miami Dade Public Schools at 305 -995-CARE (2273)